I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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