bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
operation harelip BJ is a go
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
