Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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