Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
