The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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