god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
