I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
