Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
