Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
