Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
