so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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