Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
