I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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