True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
