Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
