Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
