how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
