went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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