Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
