well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
