sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
