You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
