so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
