I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
