Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
