She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
