There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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