I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
