Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
