walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
