Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dating After Heartbreak
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.