you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I want her autograph on my taint
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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