i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
whose parrot is this?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
