Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP