And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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