He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
