Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
