somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
