Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
