just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
