my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
