That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
