i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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