hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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