I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
