Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
