i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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