i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
