Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
a search helicopter?!
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
