I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
