shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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