My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
