i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
