I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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