I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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