I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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