i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Randomize
