Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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