): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
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i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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