you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
