I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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