They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
