We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
