someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize