So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
