awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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