You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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