Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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