the condom got lost in my hair
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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