do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
