Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
