i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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