so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
