if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
