things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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