Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
