I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm too high and old for this...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
