took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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